i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
