I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
