Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
