I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
