I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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