i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got inside last night via doggy door
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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