Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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