I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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