i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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