am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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