vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
