no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
