the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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