And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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