Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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