Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
