My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's get the cat blown out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
