Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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