I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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