he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
