i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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