Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
