Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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