Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
