nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Acid is not a monday night drug
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
