Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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