just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
