3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
