Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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