I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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