Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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