The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
