Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
