he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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