she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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