Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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