Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
