not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
