Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Are my feet made of real feet?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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