I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
