sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
