4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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