So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
