Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
