he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
