pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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