hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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