My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
