i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
