Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize