I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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